life

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Another not very pleasant dream feeling – when I get stuck in-between state, and am supposed to be in this world of a fantasy book I’m reading, but I’m slowly waking up and the real world overlaps and turns it into something weird like riding a metro train to battle, besieged castle having an electronic glass backdoor, me hurrying trying to find and wear my armour and only finding my real 10-year old horse riding trousers.

The frustration is real.

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I have this strange love and hate relationship with Tokyo…
I sorta can’t imagine I will be able to live anywhere else by myself/and be myself…
… but at the same time living here is sorta killing me in more than one way…

 

 

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I wonder why… with all the amazing kinds food out there… (especially in this country, where national obsession with food is the main topic on tv all day every day)…
… why is it, that nothing really can win in a long run to fresh bread with olive oil and salt.

(or garlic bread topped with some good grated cheese – like gouda)

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pms –
it’s when you want to eat a mountain, drop a mountain on someone’s head angrily and hide under some mountain so no one would ever find you all at the same time.

Men are very lucky if they don’t have to experience this ‘I’m very hungry, angry, irritated, depressed, i-hate-myself-and-everything-around-me-except-for-food’ condition you can do nothing about but just wait out… trying hard not to think about anything.

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There are senses… smell, taste, just the feeling of the air around you… that sometimes make you feel like for a fleeting moment you were able to jump through space or/and time, dimension … and that fleeting moment shakes your whole existence for hours to come because you feel like if you can catch that moment and bring it back you might really travel somewhere. Or maybe you did travel somewhere and it was someone else who came back. Or maybe, you were finally about to wake up, but didn’t reach for the surface strongly enough.
Glitch in the matrix.

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that’s a good feeling.
When Scientist prove and say what I was saying all my life.

1) people are not supposed to function in temperature above 25C
2) in summer it is much healthier to live with your air condition on through all at all times. And you are not supposed to turn it off at night.
3) people turn stupid when temperature is above 30C and it is a fact.
4) hot baths and sauna and stuff like that don’t get you relaxed and ‘take your tiredness away’. They just make you more tired and make you sleep.
(Feeling tired and being tired are very different things)

Sweating while you sleep/sit means your body gets just as tired as ti gets sweating when you run and work out.

All those people who try to make you set temperature at 28C minimum because they think it is right or turn off your air conditioning at night can go f*ck themselves to hell. Cuz that’s how people die from heatstroke.

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how interesting it is, to realise
that feeling a book as a physical thing,
being able to feel its weight and touch the paper, and probably most importantly smell it,
is as important part of “reading” as the text itself

I have a habit of pausing to smell the pages, while digesting some words and thoughts, when I read… and if I can have this ritual, reading doesn’t go as well for me.

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Sometimes I think… that for prophylactic reasons, it would be very nice if Internet would just disappear completely for at least one whole day once in a while… for the whole world.

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Sometimes I put away reading and watching my favourite stories ’till the right time comes’ for years,
Or sometimes I’ll stop reading/watching something in the middle, not because I don’t like it, but because I like it a little too much.
These stories that I feel I have some connection with, get a little too deep into me, and whatever I feel emotionally almost hurts me physically.

I was in middle school when I watched The Two Towers for the very first time in the cinema, and almost had some strange kind of panic/heart attack, driving home through the night in my father’s car. It was a dark road through a forest, and my heart was hurting, and my head felt like I left it back in the movie world, right there on the walls of Hornburg, and I couldn’t breathe.
And that’s how I learned that I might be a little too impressionable towards the things I like.
Then there also was a mistake of watching all episodes of old Berserk after all episodes of Ayashi no Ceres in one day/night, after which I couldn’t walk straight for three days.

The point is, I feel bad about it, but I really can’t make myself watch/read some of my most favorite things just because they hurt too much and I think it’s kind of unfair.

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saw a dream

of waking up in a room and not being able to see, because it was filled with mist
and then I looked out of the open window and saw clouds flowing right past and below it,
and I could touch the clouds.
And I grabbed one and ate it, and it tasted like shaved ice and I thought that that must have been a snow cloud.

 

That’s how much I miss cold and misty weather.

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I hated a lot of things about UK when I was living there… like how impossible it was to get anyone to work, whether it was to fix something in your apt, or in banks (I left 6 years ago and they still refuse to close my bank account over there, because they don’t understand the concept of not being able to come in and do it in person because I live on the other side of the globe and don’t remember 9 year old passwords anyway), or real estate agencies who refused to work with you just because you are a foreigner (turned you away the second you walked in), or the London tube that never worked properly… or the drunk crowds destroying everything in their sight every Friday night, … and all the other instances portraying the lack of earnestness and proficiency…
… but I still miss it a lot sometimes. Living in UK. The other things about living in UK.

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Sometimes Asians are such… Asians.

Just saw someone complain on 9gag that he started dating a nice Asian girl, but she cooks rice every day and eats it with everything, and while reading it I scoffed and thought t: Why do you need to make up these stereotypical jokes? What’s so fun about that?

… and then I switched channels on my japanese tv, and saw them introducing all kinds of delicious foods (again), among which there was this deliciously looking mashed potatos, topped with a minced meat souse… and just as I was thinking how nice it looks …
… they went ahead and put it on top of rice.
…seriously?
…mashed potato on top of rice?

I’m still not over people putting soba inside of bread, or eating ramen with rice… but how the hell these people can keep eating white rice with everything and put carbs on carbs and stay so thin and tiny is beyond me.
It’s unfair is what it is.