If I were to pick a single most superimposing feeling that has followed me for the last couple of month, it would be ‘alienation’.
It’s not a foreign feeling to me on everyday basis either, but the last few months… When I look at the outside world I find it dominated by certain shared sentiments that are conveyed by many voices on the internet and television…and the I find myself absolutely unable to resonate or agree with them.
Day after day, I find myself feeling something very different compared to the loudest things I hear from outside, and I have to tell myself that it would be better for myself and everyone to retreat deeper into my own world and not get involved. Keep my opinions and feelings to myself. Do not react. Turn away and do my own thing. Stop thinking what does this inability to resonate with human society make me.
If I could live in Japanese society/culture but in Scandinavian (or even UK) climate and population density (and distance from Europe where my family is), I’d be the happiest person, I think.
Yet, I believe what really grinds my gears, and prevents me from leaving this topic alone and not wasting my energy on thinking about it for 2 days already, is that if the situation was the opposite, as in, if the main characters were supposed to be from somewhere from Africa (or say Asia or Middle East), but instead white British actors were hired to play their roles, there would have been 10 times more outrage.
And then thousands of people who never even read the books would also flock to protest and express their outrage once they’d sniff it out, because how dare the tv producers not respect people’s races and cultures.
And I highly doubt the author would have been able to write her ‘proud post’ about how she thinks the cast is just right, and she never even remembered that her own main character had eyes of a specific colour. and that he is ‘right for the role in every way that matters’ (except race, because race doesn’t matter). Because she would just get stoned for that.
…In everyday circumstances, I would be among the first to say that race doesn’t matter. Because, in everyday life, I don’t really care (and, to be honest, my cognitive abilities are failing enough that sometimes I can’t tell Japanese people from foreigners when I’m outside…).
But when we talk about integrity of cultures and world settings… I think every culture and setting should be equally protected and represented as it was historically, or as it was written to be.
I’m not sure if I would’ve ever understood ‘hype culture’ even before I had depression for years.
I think you need a certain amount of courage to drink something named “Yellow Snow”…
(I bought it because you also need a certain amount of courage to name your drink so. I couldn’t help it.
…it’s actually not bad.
…but made me feel like I was being pranked anyway.)
It always amused me how easily we accept that we live in a world where ‘depression and suicidal thoughts’ are listed as a side effects of the medication which you take against the depression and suicidal thoughts.
It’s a small example of a big world-standard pattern, but I hope some will get what I was trying to say.
I’d like to see this world without monotheistic religions
how cool would it be
things that distress me on an airplane: smell; sleeping spread out in the aisle seat and not letting people out; putting things and extremities outside the space allocated to your seat; kicking my seat or jumping around and touching me in any way.
things that don’t distress me at all: reclining your seat towards mine; pets.