I’ve been avoiding using Uber Eats and instead relying on the more organisation-based food delivery services because there’s a certain comfort in the illusion of the ‘professionalism’ they afford. As in, the delivery people are people who do it as a job, and feel a bit more reliable.

I’ve decided to try it, because with this virus business there are now lots of very interesting restaurants to be found in the Uber Eats database that I probably wouldn’t found otherwise.

I tried.

The short version: It got delivered to wrong building. I had to go out and sneak into the next building to pick up a bag in front of some stranger’s door. Since I contacted the support before I found it, the Uber Eats support refunded me full price of the order and added a 500yen(almost $5) coupon. I now feel very uncomfortable, because even though it is a correct move on their part, I didn’t want the refund because I still got to eat the food.

The long version: There were some system problems with entering my address—it kept not showing and I tried re-entering in couple of different ways. In the end I made sure I entered all important information somewhere.

I also selected the option to have the food left in front of my door. Which is logical in the current times, but might have been a big mistake.

Our building has locked entrance, so unless the delivery person is let in by someone else entering/exiting, he would have to ring my room to be let in. I expected him to ring me anyway.

Instead, while I was waiting for the doorbell, suddenly I received the notification that the order was delivered and done. I went to look outside my door: nothing. I got my shoes and went down to see if he could’ve left in the lobby: nothing. I looked around the floor to see if it’s in from of any other doors: nothing.

I was already beginning to suspect what happened, because, unfortunately, there are buildings 1 and 2, with the same name, next to each other, and I live in the building 2. I looked over at the building 1 (because both buildings are in the ’empty square shape’ and you can see through), but I couldn’t see all the doors on the floor to say for sure. Besides, with exception for some taxi drivers, no delivery person ever made this mistake, as far as I know, because the tenants’ names are displayed on the rooms and mail boxes.

I contacted the UberEats support saying that the order wasn’t delivered. I then saw that the driver had uploaded the photo of the delivery and realised that he really must’ve delivered it to the next building and just left it in front of the door. I walked to the next building imagining if I’ll have to ring the person who lives in the room with the same number as I and ask them if they have food in front of their door. However, luckily for me, the building 1 doesn’t have the same locked entrance as we do, so I was able to just walk into the building, take the elevator to the same floor, and find the paper bag with my food in front of stranger’s door.

I brought the food home and messaged the support again, saying that I have solved the problem and found the food myself in the wrong building. I sent in the ‘evaluation’, and while I put the honest negative for the delivery to a wrong place, I still added a tip…well, because he did actually deliver and uploaded the picture of it.

A few minutes later the support wrote me back that they have refunded the full price of the order, and added a complementary coupon, and are very sorry for all the inconvenience. They ‘looked into the situation’ and found out that the delivery guy completed the delivery without the following proper instructions, and while they won’t fire him, they will make sure he won’t be making same mistakes again.

Thing is, this whole situation left me very uncomfortable. While, logically speaking, they are probably right to do it this way from the business point of view, because he did make a mistake of not making sure he delivered to the correct address and not contacting me (I don’t know if he ever rang the door bell in the other building)… I really would rather not get refund since I did get the food and he did actually deliver it, even if he made a mistake.

I may have a habit of glorifying people a bit too much when I don’t know them. As in, in my head, I actually imagine someone who tried to earnestly do the fob, believing he’d done everything correctly, and then receiving contact from the company saying that I told them he didn’t deliver the stuff and he won’t get paid because he made a mistake. And I don’t like it.

I hope at least the restaurant won’t have to be involved (not that I was completely satisfied with their delivery either, though) and UberEats will cover the price, instead of taking it out either of the restaurant or the driver.

The reason I wrote this long rambly post is that the feelings I have on this issue don’t really match with what I feel like I should be feeling.

What I probably should be feeling is relief that I don’t need to pay for this overpriced and stressful meal. The delivery person made a mistake. The mistake was avoidable, but he didn’t take steps to avoid it.

What I actually feel, is guilt for involving all these people (the restaurant, the delivery person, the UberEats people in general) and making their day worse by deciding to order food I didn’t really need that much. It feels like it wasn’t even 100% the delivery guy’s fault, because of the whole situation with two buildings and fact that I didn’t want to interact with people and requested the ‘leave in front of the door’ delivery. It also feels like it was me who should’ve taken more steps to ensure there was less margin for error for other people.

I also wasted 3 hours of my Sunday on processing this issue and it feels like a fail all way through.

…If I ever use Uber Eats again, I’ll have to remember to add a ‘make sure it’s the correct building’ to the notes.

After taking a nice quiet 40-minute walk home in icy wind without a scarf, also getting lost a couple of times, I feel I won’t even need corona to get myself a nice two-week vacation being sick at home.

When it comes to doctors and therapists… I can’t help to feel like I’m screaming into a void. I’m constantly trying to send an SOS. Tell people that something is wrong. That walking around with daily headaches, chronic exhaustion, thinking ‘I’m so fucking tired…’ from morning to evening every single day without exception, feeling like my consciousness is slipping away multiple times during any day, having to force myself to move because I keep freezing in space, getting lost in time, forgetting what day it is, and especially what day of the week it is really not right… And yet not a single medical professional I’ve met has taken it seriously enough to actually look for WHY, instead of trying out a collection of medications, and then shrugging me off when I tell them none of those work.

Then, I face a situation where, having a very stressful and anxiety-filled week, I can’t even rely on any tranquillisers because I’m too groggy and scatterbrained as I it is, and I’m too afraid to add any chemicals (or not so chemicals) in the mix that can make me feel even less ‘present’ in the reality.

Instead of tranquillisers, today I have to rely on food, therapeutic activity of copying books by hand, and first seasons of Great British Bake Off.

Me: planning things to do on Saturday, what to watch, what to watch after that, clean while watching, take out the trash, maybe play some DSIII sometime before evening, try to write some more for that story I’ve been focusing on last couple of weeks…

Reality: read a random paragraph of a random book I picked up in the middle of cleaning, get and idea, sit down for 3 hours and write 3000 words for a completely new story I didn’t even see coming.

I have honestly lost count of the ‘new story sketches’ with main characters and setting outlined I have ‘saved for later’ in my Scrivener projects…

All I could think by the end of the ‘A Star is Born’ is why didn’t we see someone blow that fking manager’s brains out by the end of the movie?

I already wanted to do it midway through the movie.

It really needed to be done.

I don’t like it.

had an anxiety attack because I painted my nails.

Not even an anxiety inducing colour.

I don’t even guess anymore

Every time I see a person on tv being portrayed as having a hangover—nursing a headache, wearing sunglasses, grimacing because everything is too bright and too noisy, and moving too fast is rewarded with spikes of nausea—I get this disturbing feeling and just want to say…
… … But that’s exactly how I feel every day (that I have to go outside)?…
And without any drinking.

Oh Kojima-san…

Coming out on the stage in gamescofm discussing how Norman Reedus’s dick can be used as a weapon and a tool to connect the fractured world.

Also,

he kind of went from being mysterious and showing stuff that was ambiguous and impossible to interpret, to showing and saying too much about spoilery character settings all at once.

And summer ‘vacation’ is gone.

With regards to the to do list, I’ve managed only the web page design update. Mostly.

Also, got back to OmmWriter in an attempt to rewrite the Prologue to the main ‘Chronicles’ series…and realised that, since it’s about to go over 10,000 words, I probably shouldn’t really be calling it just a ‘prologue’ anymore.

(Also, found out that I own at least 6 pairs of shoes I have never worn more than once…likely bought in a wrong size because I wasn’t able to handle being in the store. Trying to get rid of them using Merucari app now. In order to prevent the repeat of this in the future, I do believe I will now mostly only buy shoes using Amazon Wardrobe option (tried once, worked great). Because, apparently, unless we are talking about boots, I can spend 2 hours in a store trying on various shoes just, trying find a pair that will fit and won’t hurt (everything hurts), and still only get something in a wrong size and a skull-crushing and stomach-turning migraine from just being in the store…)

The head-hopping pov is turning very quickly into one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to writing.

(somewhere between the ‘using foreign languages when you can’t do it without mistakes’ and ‘adding rape for the coolness factor’)

I can’t believe how many writers don’t find not okay… I really think it’s nowhere close to okay, when your pov changes from thoughts of one character to another in the same paragraph. Or even in the next paragraph without a clear text break. Bite me.

Born of Night (The League: Nemesis Rising #1)

Born of Night by Sherrilyn Kenyon

My rating: 1 of 5 stars


For the love of all bookish I don’t understand why are these books so popular. The only reason I went there (commenting on a book’s popularity) is because it was due to this book showing up in all kinds of ‘best’ lists while having a high rating that likely made me order it by mistake, without realizing that when I last tried to read a book by this author I DNFed after first few chapters.

I did not get much further with this one either.
Made it 100 pages in, hoping to catch a glimpse of a reason so many people’ve read this, but decided not to torture myself any further.

Everything about this is awfully cheesy, trashy, and confusing.
With all the head hopping on top.
With all the time and word count spent talking about how hot and sexy everyone is and how much trouble they have being hard for each other all the time of course we can’t spend enough time to actually describe the world around us so that it would make some sense. Ah, but we also have time to mention rape and child murders and abuse, to add to ‘badass’ factor. But making sense of how planets, ships, stations, space travel work in this world? Not nearly important enough than all the sexiness.

In this book, the setting ‘implied’ and one actually presented never seem to match.
The ‘deadly assassins’ hardly act the part. The main male character is a disaster…
Little example: he hides his eyes. Not because they are some strange alien product of his mixed heritage, or because of some gruesome battle scars. But because they’re normal human green eyes that ‘show his beautiful soul’. He lives with a bunch of cats. He walks constantly hard when he is around the female main character. Really. The image of mysterious and aloof deadly assassin, don’t you understand?

The female main character… Her thought pattern is well described by this: ‘You saved me from assassins and are here to guard me because there’s a huge price on my head? You even put shields on my windows so that they wouldn’t shoot my head off? How dare you! You’re fired! Get out of my home!’

I rarely do this, but I’d like to pick up at the few more moments that made me want to bang my head against the nearest wall from the very beginning of the book:
FMC – kidnapped, almost raped, beaten, chained in the middle of compost pile on a ship that was just went through hostile take over. Sees a new person coming for her:

‘Kiara was amazed by the handsomeness of his face.’ 3 seconds later ‘For some reason she couldn’t fathom, she believed him (that he wouldn’t hurt her)


‘And she had to admit there was nothing hotter than a man with that kind of honed physique whose face was totally hidden.

I’m sorry. What? Is this some kind of ‘keep a bag over your face’ kink?
Just…what?

MMC – Professional assassin, one of the best out there, built up to be this powerful, mysterious, cold man with dark past and iron moral principles. First time we get his POV:

‘His body was so hard it was all he could do not to limp. And to think, he’d mistakenly believed he’d survived real torture in the past.’

Really? He carried a beaten woman out of space trash can where they just killed a few people, and all he can think is that her small breasts in the torn and dirty nightgown are torturing him more that years of child abuse and murder and outrunning a league of professional assassins? REALLY?
In what dimension are we supposed to find this romantic or even okay?

Another classy thought from the main character after she wakes up in a strange place and still thinks she might be held captive:

‘Tall and lean, he was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen in her entire life, and given the hot pieces of cheese employed by her dance company, that said a lot.’

Am I the only one who has problem with writing like this? Really?

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Wanderlust (Sirantha Jax, #2)

Wanderlust by Ann Aguirre

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


And the curse of the 2nd novel strikes yet again.
As a sequel, this book felt much drier.
If the previous one was “depressing with an edge”, this one is more of “depressing and just grey, and more depressing”. Where the first book fights and grasps, this book just takes punches and waits for the next one to take it out. Where the first book had time for humour and banter, this one only adds another type of heartbreak on top of already presented one.
It’s a lot of “go through one deadly danger-get stuck somewhere for some period of time-go through another deadly situation-get stuck somewhere again”.
Personally, I believe that ‘getting stuck somewhere’ should have been used as an opportunity to progress character relationships, but apparently they (relationships) stay frozen and we just get told how many days they spent stuck in one or other uncomfortable state. I’m more than a little disappointed with how character relationships were treated here in general. It’s like there is a constant dark cloud hanging over, and these relationships are constantly shadowed. Either strained or bleak. And repeating the same note over and over, without really working through it.
And that’s only the first part. The second part just went in a direction I liked absolutely nothing about.
Overall, even though I couldn’t put the 1st book down, this one was increasingly difficult to get through…
Maybe this is spoiler-y, but I have to say it…
There. Is. Not. A. Single. Uplift. In. This. Book.

Hence a drop from 4 stars to 2 for me.

Also, the title doesn’t fit at all.



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I sometimes manage to stay away from television, news, and real world in general so well that when I catch a glimpse of it by chance I suddenly find out that parts of country are being washed away with level 4 (out of 5) evacuation alerts, a number of very prominent and very famous tv figures got in organised crime-related trouble (which in this country means a big reconstruction on the tv scene because they will need to replace big tv shows that were in the same spots for many years and people who everyone was used to seeing all the time), and that some of my favourite (and very talented) musicians were arrested.

Feels like this world is never going to convince that there might be a merit in not living like an ostrich.

Crazy Hot (Steele Street, #1)

Crazy Hot by Tara Janzen

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


I could almost like this book. In the beginning.
It had a promising beginning—making me think it would be more of a ‘romantic story of a pair who had a mutual crush on each other for 15 years, reunited as adults (who each have been through their own hell) against the backdrop of a thriller of a crime fighting operation featuring stolen fossils, car chases, and gun fights ‘. Which this book almost was…but wasn’t.
… And so, firstly, I’m not made to read ‘romance’-type books without questioning reality of some details. Like having sex on the top of an overheated running car (so many things wrong with the whole scene), or choosing to drive the flashiest car while trying to lay low and hiding from mobsters, or kissing with having whole face painted, or the need for every positive male character (below the age of 70) to be hotter than sun, and the insistence that all women must like the car in red and hot pink (gag).
Secondly… Nikki. Oh how I wish we could just cut out the whole Nikki part and have the book without it. It’s both the character—psychopathic (voyeurism, violating other people through her cameras and ‘art’ without even thought about requiring a permission; no concept of propriety and personal integrity, or personal boundaries) egocentric, idiotic—and the whole ‘romance’ scene. Especially the ending.
I kind of wish Kid would’ve just knocked her out, gagged her, and delivered her where she needed to go in the trunk and never let her open her mouth. (Because, yes, yes, when an armed military man who came to protect you from bad people with guns tells you you need to leave now, let’s go looking for the cherry lip gloss in the bathroom, let’s also question his every request five times over, and then let’s freak out.)
Yes, I’m sorry, I dislike this character so much I actually got all riled up. Her behaviour sort of represents everything I hate in female romance characters—close-mindedness, false sense of self-importance, inability to listen or feel others….and so many more disturbing qualities.
Why did we need a character like this?
There shouldn’t have been any ‘romance’ involving Nikki. (On top of which, the whole scene was repetitive and not well-written at all.)
And then, the circumstances of Kid’s leaving and her reaction to it…
Brrr (shivers of pure disgust).
The whole book would be so much better off without this whole part.
Regan by herself might have been okay-ish (not perfect, but tolerable), but Nikki brings the level of that specific female-type idiocy so much over the top it ruins the impression of the whole book. Which is a shame.


Thirdly, the mess of the ending…with one stupid detail on top of another, one stupid dialog line on top of another, idiotic behaviour, pretty badly written ‘bad guys’ who just can’t wait to tell everyone what they do and how… Nope. Did not work for me at all.

I think the first part of the book was okay. Maybe even good. But then when we reached closer to the middle with whole unrealistic unhygienic car scenes and Nikki, the whole book just went down the drain.

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Yet, I believe what really grinds my gears, and prevents me from leaving this topic alone and not wasting my energy on thinking about it for 2 days already, is that if the situation was the opposite, as in, if the main characters were supposed to be from somewhere from Africa (or say Asia or Middle East), but instead white British actors were hired to play their roles, there would have been 10 times more outrage.

And then thousands of people who never even read the books would also flock to protest and express their outrage once they’d sniff it out, because how dare the tv producers not respect people’s races and cultures.

And I highly doubt the author would have been able to write her ‘proud post’ about how she thinks the cast is just right, and she never even remembered that her own main character had eyes of a specific colour. and that he is ‘right for the role in every way that matters’ (except race, because race doesn’t matter). Because she would just get stoned for that.

…In everyday circumstances, I would be among the first to say that race doesn’t matter. Because, in everyday life, I don’t really care (and, to be honest, my cognitive abilities are failing enough that sometimes I can’t tell Japanese people from foreigners when I’m outside…).

But when we talk about integrity of cultures and world settings… I think every culture and setting should be equally protected and represented as it was historically, or as it was written to be.