A few months ago I completely stopped buying coffee at Starbucks.

Not out of some moral showing-off idea, but one day I just realized I really didn’t like the taste of the lattes I bought anymore. I would probably try Coffee Cream Latte once more if I could ever guess when they are actually going to have it (apparently you can only order it when their ‘special’ for the period is sold out), and I would definitely want to try the Eggnog Latte I used to drink during autumn-winter season in UK (and have seen it only in UK) all the time, but otherwise setting my foot in Starbucks really doesn’t seem appealing anymore… I would like to know if something changed in me or something changed in the products they use… because suddenly their coffee-based products have a taste I can’t stand and I can’t really pinpoint it.

The only real problem this poses is that I’m left with only one other option as to where get my coffee fix in the morning, where they don’t really have more than 2 options on the menu, and I really can’t stand getting/doing the same thing every morning…

Not going to work on a weekday and staying in a place where there are only the standard TV channels and no option to stick my HDD into the TV got me re-acquainted with such pearls of morning TV as 30-min discussion of bows on toiler paper, even longer discussion of a somewhat-famous couple enjoying sakura viewing in a park (seriously, what the fluff goes through people’s heads when they think it’s necessary to take pictures of two people sitting on grass in a park and looking at trees and then discuss every angle of those pictures at length on national tv?), and a very detailed discussion of the Imperial couple’s outfits as they pay last homage in shrines around the country before abdication. (Still better than what I caught on CNN and BBC before changing the channel though.)

In short, it’s days like this when I really begin to despise that part of my broken mind that makes me unable to function without having some kind of TV noise in the background…because no matter how much I try to concentrate on something else, time after time I catch glimpses of something that just sends the ‘damn, I really can’t understand or feel any kind of affinity with this humanity’ thought shooting through my mind.

I have very little trust and respect towards people who appear to cower before authority of any kind. Especially grown adults. People who place too much weight into vertically structured society and authority are always the first to abuse it. They’re like time bombs and I don’t like being around them.

My first reaction to having a breakdown in public is to pretend that I’m not having a breakdown and buy a hamburger take-out. Though usually cheeseburger. With pickles if I can help it.

Though since I can’t really eat lately, this time the hamburger is spending the night in the fridge. Crisscut fries and all.

Thinking about how many meals it will take me to eat it and will it survive long enough to be still edible when I can get to it is better than thinking about the fact that I have no support system at all and my breakdowns are getting worse.