Apparently today is day 201 of the year.

164 days are remaining in this year.

I’ve also read 165 books so far this year.

It’s Saturday and I only slept 3 hours. Don’t ask.

It never gets old.

The fact that I actually manage to work proofreading and editing (and translating) texts,

while in my everyday life I write ‘vase’ instead of ‘face’ in a sentence and have to read it at least three times to notice.

Caught (I wish I didn’t) ‘cast reveal’ posts for upcoming ‘Bridgerton’ series on the author’s instagram…(who, of course, also promptly had to disable comments for most of them).

I wanted to sigh, shake my head, think something in terms of ‘Well, it’s not like I really actually expected to be able to watch it anyway…’ and forget about the whole thing, but…

Unfortunately, I had been spiralling down the mental stability scale all day, and, instead, this little thing happened to be the ‘lust crumb’ that practically drove me to tears on the topic of ‘why this world has to be so idiotic and how am I supposed to live in it let me out‘, as I was falling asleep.


I started telling myself that it should be a well-known and accepted for me fact that I don’t watch (and hate) book ecranisations, so I shouldn’t have expected anything different. That, in fact, “Lord of the Rings” might be the only one I actually liked.
-> Which then led to the thought of ‘Yeahright, if they were filming it now, I bet half of hobbits would be played by actors from South America, Legolas would be played by a Chinese actor, and Arven or Eowyn (or both) by African-American women.’

I have absolutely nothing against racial diversity.

What I am against is stories and books losing their integrity. It matters.
Characters should be played by people who match what the characters were written to be.

When a white American actress plays Japanese character it is wrong and ugly.
When African actors plays a role of English Duke from early 1800s it is wrong and ugly.
When Chinese actors made to play Japanese people and speak in some broken resemblance of a language it is wrong and ugly.

When a character was written to be a person of a certain ethnicity and culture, and someone from a completely different ethnicity and culture is forced to play that character, like neither of their ethnicity and cultures even matter, it is just wrong and ugly. It just shouldn’t be.

(and complaining that there are no characters of colour in Soviet Ukraine in Chernobyl is simply idiotic. And ugly.)

The fact that, in this world, it’s fine and acceptable to say ‘A story about Georgian/Regency England? Who cares what ethnicity the actors are! Lets just bring whoever and appear be cool, inclusive, and progressive!!’ just burns my my mind like acid.

If you want to be ‘cool, inclusive, and progressive’, write a story that is written for a ethnically diverse cast of characters. Write more stories about characters from different ethnicity and make tv series based on them.
Stop ruining already existing stories.

And as someone who writes… I would sooner see all my works burn than let some tv producers decide that the integrity of my story world and characters don’t matter or mean anything. Racial diversity is important and all, but not where it’s there just to be, and stands against what the story is about.

I’ve never really figured out this ‘living in the now’ thing.

For the first 25 years of my life I lived in the future. I’ve hoped, and imagined, and ‘rode through’ the parts I couldn’t quite handle until I could reach the next stop.

Now, I mostly leave in the past. The hopes have left, so did the strength look for new steps and beginnings to jump to. Instead came the flashes of suddenly being transferred into some location I walked many years before, and very likely won’t ever have a chance to set my foot in ever again. I can smell things, I can taste things, I can see myself standing in the places that are probably long gone from the face of this Earth and I wish they weren’t. I have hardly any memories of things that happened, of things said and done, but I can walk the places I haven’t seen for almost 20 years with startling clarity.

Since today happens to be ones of those days in a year when my apartment is to be invaded by inspectors of one kind or other that happens once a few months (water pipes, fire alarms, whatever they can come up with),

and I had to spend my weekend trying to pretend that I’m not a child of chaos and autism, and can actually keep my living quarters presentable enough for strangers to barge in and not stare in shock,

I’ve also been watching Netflix while trying to clean, which left me with a thought that I might have an easier time with living if I could convince myself that I was watching some weird Science Fiction every time I watch…practically anything.

It might save me from all the flinching and dread I feel each time when I watch something about humans and realize I can’t comprehend, can’t identify, and can’t feel any affinity.

It also made me sit and think about how I wish I could know what other humans feel when they watch other humans.

This first typhoon of the summer that just passed left in its wake smell of the sea so strong it literally burned my throat with all the salt on my way home.

It felt like trying to breath extra salty see water.

Just sayin’.

Japanese things that ‘everyone’ knows and likes and expects you to know and like, but I inexplicably can’t stand on some biological level and really don’t want to have anything to do with:

  • Studio Ghibli
  • Nintendo (including Mario, Zelda, and pretty much every IP of theirs)

It’s an opinion that is equally difficult to express among Japanese people and not-Japanese Japan fans. And even more difficult to express when you work in gaming…