I’ve been seeing a lot of trippy dreams lately. And they often feel much longer than I actually get to sleep. It’s a lot of flying, killing, hiding, disturbingly vivid and just disturbing details (there was this abandoned half-constructed bridge I was flying over this night, and it was full of feathers, and cages, and bird poop, and rabid chickens and turkeys both alive and dead, because apparently people abandoned crates with birds and animals on this bridge for some reason? And I remember so much detail about those stacked dirty cages and giant rabid brown chickens…), rooms, people I don’t know at all, but I do there, …and it’s both half-lucid, and mostly false-lucid, in the way that the me in the dream who thinks she is lucid thinks and remembers things that are also not real, and then I have a lot of trouble of sorting through things and figuring out which ones were real when I wake up. Because apparently I now dream in layers, when I dream about another myself who is dreaming. There are also layers of stories, when I kind of witness someone else’s story while dreaming my own, and in my dream I think ‘oh, I know this story, it’s from that book/movie/thing I read’…but it’s actually not, because I dreamt that part too.
Getting half-lucid dreams feels kind of like playing chess against someone else. They throw all the bad things at me, trying to corner me, but I get to decide that when an army of ‘evil super heroes’ (or mutants, I don’t know, it was trippy) attacks me and my own, overpowering everyone one by one, I get to climb where I want to climb, grow wings, and turn invisible in the air; and even though they still try to follow me when I’m invisible, because they are freaky supernaturals too, I get to decide that I will escape no matter what. I also get to decide that all my people are alive and I can know it for sure in my heart. My opponent throws more difficulties and monsters with super powers my way, but I get to be an invisible avenging angel with black wings and a sniper rifle. I sometimes get distracted by the disturbingly real post-apocalyptic world we happen to be in (my real dream worlds just make me want to stop and take in every detail) while I fly over it, and the weird side stories I witness (there was a boy and a horse locked on a very high floor of a very big abandoned factory building, drug dealers, and cold pizza I stole), but in general it feels like I get to dictate my side of the story, while someone else dictates the setting and the side I have to fight against. Which is strange, because in the end, it’s all in my head. Even though I have no idea where most of it comes from.