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It is a very strange feeling
and generally a strange thing to exist in the world, if you think about it, …

when you are pitied because you’re ‘too smart’ and ‘the world is made to be kinder for stupid people’, and basically ‘there probably isn’t a place for you’, and ‘you should try pretending to be simpler for your own good’

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everyone has their own problems with ID photos
mine is that my eyes always look like I’m too old for this shit, too tired for this shit, and frankly couldn’t care less about this shit.

Which doesn’t help when it’s supposed to go on your CV and need to be looking young and ambitious.

Had to re-take it 8 times, until there was at least one where I still looked bored, but at least not like I just killed someone. Or am going too. And don’t feel much on the topic.

Photos don’t lie, I really am too old and too tired for this shit. Always was.

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What do you do when the two people inside you, suddenly want to start living two completely different lives?

On top of everything, lives on different sides of a planet.

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what I really dislike, is when I go to a live and people next to me start to take more of my attention than the people on the stage

one time there was a girl (woman?)
Who started the evening by taking off her pink very high-hilled pumps. And standing barefoot on the cold, dirty floor (it’s winter, people around were wearing boots) of the live house. Which was enough of wtf on itself. But next she started to make noises of birthing lioness right next to me. Which is very hard to stay indifferent to. Later she also used her hair to switch everyone around and sweep the floor while at it. (She probably should’ve swept first, and then taken her shoes off)
It’s not even really annoying, more funny if anything, but it just gets in the way of focusing on what I went there to focus on…

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when you realize that in this world in too many instances being right automatically means being the minority

in fact I’m having a hard time remembering when it does not

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I’ve been told before (I think, maybe) that people don’t like me for seeing black and white where I’m supposed to see ‘life’

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while I was blank-ing in front of the tv with a book…
there was a some kind of new ‘dating program’… which was about some famous people, choosing their ‘favorite type of face’ from a big catalog-like list of people of opposite sex who applied, than choosing the favorite hair style for them, dressing them up in favorite kind of clothes… and then meeting with them in the studio, and exchanging contact information if they liked each other… Probably. I’m not sure what’s it all about.

The reason why it made me put down my book for a while, is that, listening to people talk about what kind of face they like, what kind of eyes, what kind of hair style, clothes… in details, non-stop, I was automatically trying to imagine what I would do in their place, … and couldn’t.
I don’t think I ever had a desire to dress someone up like a doll for my own liking. Yes there styles that I find more attractive than others, but… Whenever I try to imagine, I get this… “draw back” feeling… that I can’t like someone I had to make, or something.
After 30 minutes of spacing out into the television trying to sort out my feelings about what I was seeing, I dropped the topic on the though that probably ‘being themselves and knowing who they are’, in other words originality, integrity… and how do you call it? completeness of the individuality? is a very important factor for me in liking someone… I guess I want to like someone for only who they are, not for what I, or someone else, made them into…

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tried on a last year’s coat
found 2 panda candies in one pocket,
and half pack of gum in the other
Put them back in, and put the coat back on the rack

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had the weirdest dream about different reincarnations of the same lovers (just the two of them, but the two from different ages) talking to each other (about fighting some sickness that run in the family and killed them young, over and over again) and feel like I wasn’t actually sleeping (more like tossing about for five hours), and like I saw through a dozen of their lives all at the same time…

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speaking of which,
I wonder if ever the age will come when american movie and drama companies will finally realise how ridiculous their ‘lets just get some chinese actors to act as native japanese people, asians are all the same anyway’ way of thought is actually is…
Even if we drop the painful language problems where ‘native speakers’ can never pronounce words right… the whole behavior patterns are completely backwards 98% of the time

and I really wish people would be a bit more afraid of looking stupid and ignorant when they make things that are seen by millions

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if you never tried to make Japanese delivery people take an extra 2 yen (0.02$) when they don’t have the change… you don’t know the definition of awkward…

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I suspect,
that because those people and things that break us and mess us up,
make us dark and twisty for all our lives, just appear in our lives randomly out of nowhere,
without any reason or warning,

believing in the balance of the universe,
we somewhere think that things and people that will heal or save us, also can appear out of nowhere one day.

Yet, the realism is understanding that the universe is not balanced, it’s just cruel