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You won’t believe how many people actually spend their time and money and send Valentine’s chocolates and other sweets to fictional (game, in this case) characters. 
And all the handmade stuff then gets thrown out. 
It’s all very sad.

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My dream living place would probably look something like this. Big woolfy dog included.

I start to really hate white walls. 
But that’s what vast majority of rented apartments have.

Also, a cold place with minimum insects, please. 
And no tall buildings blocking your sky and looking into your windows.

I can dream.
Dreaming makes me cry these days, but I can dream.

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Sometimes it takes me a really long time to realize something.

Recently I’ve finally really understood the mechanism behind the everyone’s notion to tell people that ‘it’s all in your head’, ‘you’re the one who has to save yourself’, ‘you just need to change your mind set’, ‘you’re the key to your own happiness’, and so on and so forth, I can’t even remember or the major examples…

It’s quite obvious, really. We tell this to people so that there can be no notion that there’s a responsibility on us to help them. If we make sure that everyone believes that they must be able to save themselves from the inside, and not expect help from anyone else, no one is going to blame us from doing nothing. And we don’t need to feel guilty when people who needed our help lose their fights, we then can only say that they didn’t ‘want to try enough’.

And when we <i>do</i> decide to help someone, we then can be praised as heroes who went beyond anything that could be expected from us.

Fact is, sometimes some of us really fall into situations, in context of mental health or otherwise, where there’s nothing more we can do ourselves to help ourselves. Sometimes people drown and they can’t be the ones to pull themselves up. And while other people are not actually required by anyone to help them, it would be great if they at least stopped blaming it on those who are in trouble. Telling a person with serious metal health problems that ‘they must be more positive’ or ‘stop being depressed or autistic by changing their way of thinking about things’ is like standing on the ground above a drowning person and shouting ‘it’s your problem that you don’t even know how to swim properly, just do better’. Yes, some percentage of people will still have strength to float or swim ashore, and it may even work for them. But it’s <b>not</b> for the spectators to decide who can or cannot do it.

This pattern of behavior that equals to saying ‘I’m not going to help you, but I’m going to save you by telling you that you just have to save yourself’ really disgusts me. If you can’t/don’t want to help – no one forces you, be on your way. Just stop using people who are suffering to boost your self-esteem by pretending you’re saying something wise and helpful by telling them to stop hurting.

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Sometimes I forget how English humor tends to be, but then I catch something like ‘Vexed’ on Netflix by accident and can’t believe I could’ve forgotten…

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Sometimes I just feel like shit for speaking. It doesn’t matter what I say or to whom, I just feel like shit after every time I have opened my mouth to talk to someone. And then I start looking for some way to shut myself away to stop myself from wanting to communicate. Very healthy working attitude.

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I never quite learned how people communicate with each other on personal topics correctly.
When I’m trying to do the ‘I’m going to be polite and not pry into your personal life if you don’t want to tell me, but I’m open to listen to whatever if you do’, 
I somehow always end up in ‘I can know people for about ten years and meet semi-regularly, but have no idea what so ever about anything personal (even things like marital status sometimes, yes, I’m that awkward), and get very surprised when I hear or see something from a third source, but then pretend like I didn’t notice anything, because I feel it would be rude to act like I know things they didn’t tell me themselves’.

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I felt like a pretty dirty-minded person… when I found myself secretly taking a picture of a hair product on a shelf in my hair salon. 
But I just couldn’t help it. 
First, I saw the title and thought… “well. okaaay…”
… but then my eyes wondered over all the ‘xxtra hard’, ‘keep it up! all day!’ and ‘try it! you’ll like it!’, and I almost lost my eyebrows, because I didn’t even know what I was looking at anymore…
I probably need to try harder to keep my mind out of the gutter…

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Sonata Arctica Lyrics
“I Have A Right”

Give me the right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something.

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something.

Father, there’s a little flower
Beautiful and different, all alone… All alone…
Is it so, Dad? I’m not supposed to
Make the world anew, and be like you? Am I you?

Give me the gift to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something.

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

…Right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be me…

You made it clear right from the start
I am to take your sour heart within, one sad day…
But I will never teach my son
Embittered history, tried and true, ’cause I’m not you…

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To have every gift… I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

Give me the eyes so I see,
Give me ears so I hear,
Give me love so I know what love is,
Give me the freedom to think,
To believe… in something

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

[Spoken:]
I have a special right to grow up,
and to develope physically and spiritually
in a healthy and normal way.
Free, and with dignity.
I have the right to love, and understanding.
My parents have special responsibilites
for my education and guidance.
I should be taught peace, understanding, tollerance,
and friendship among all people.

So give me the gift to hear, to see,
The love, the freedom to choose the things I feel,
To be right for the world you’ll leave me…
Give something.

Give me the right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

I have a right to be heard,
To be seen, to be loved, to be free,
To be everything I need to be me,
To be safe, to believe… in something

Right to be heard, to be seen,
To be loved, to be free, to be everything,
I need to be heard, to be seen,
To be loved, to be free, to be everything,
I need to be heard, to be seen,
To be loved, to be free, to be everything,
I need to be heard…

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Did you know that in Japan all hardcover books (and some of the bigger/thicker paper cover ones) come with their own attached thread bookmarks? I wonder why is it not a world-wide practice.

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Sometimes wanting to bitch/rant means wanting to go into some long-winded and complex logical explanation monologue of why you feel like that, why something sucks so much, and why everyone should agree with you that it sucks and shouldn’t exist. And pretend like you’re all logical and rational about your ranting, und thus completely justified.

And sometimes you just wish you could look someone in the face and say something like “My fucking eye hurts so fucking much.”
(… and also expect that someone to understand that it means that most of your head, brain, and face, and all, are actually hurting, and it hurts even more just because while it is all hurting it means you can’t write or read because of it … and that maybe perhaps you could also go on to list a dozen with a tail other things that also hurt in this exact moment, but kinda hurting too much to be able to.)