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on Jan 5, 2019Jan 5, 2019

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by 2kkeina

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gamingworld, inspirational, mental illness, videos

About Me

Maybe: Photographer. Writer. Translator. Noone. Alien. Allovertheplace.
may write in many languages(with lots of typos)

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1 out of 5 anxiety asd=vulcan aspergers bookish bookreviews books brokenmind canteven chaos coffee comfort books contemporary depression dreams fantasy favorites film photography filmphotography foodrelated gamingworld historical humans humor Ilona Andrews inspirational japan Julia Quinn justwhy languages life loneliness magic memories mental illness moments movies music nature pain people photography prague quotes R.J. Blain rain reading rockislife romance romantic comedy sci-fi shifters SometimesI soulcry sound startrek subscriptionboxes Thea Harrison to avoid travels truth tvshows typohumor uk vampires videos weirdness winterthoughts wolves womenproblems wordsarehard work world writing ya

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1 Comment

Armann and Kaymann says:

Jan 5, 2019 at 7:49 am

Great post

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1 out of 5 anxiety asd=vulcan aspergers bookish bookreviews books brokenmind canteven chaos coffee comfort books contemporary depression dreams fantasy favorites film photography filmphotography foodrelated gamingworld historical humans humor Ilona Andrews inspirational japan Julia Quinn justwhy languages life loneliness magic memories mental illness moments movies music nature pain people photography prague quotes R.J. Blain rain reading rockislife romance romantic comedy sci-fi shifters SometimesI soulcry sound startrek subscriptionboxes Thea Harrison to avoid travels truth tvshows typohumor uk vampires videos weirdness winterthoughts wolves womenproblems wordsarehard work world writing ya

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They say don't judge a book by it's cover. And they say don't judge the author by the book. I always want to brush away both of these sayings, because I think they're stupid, but they tend to come true in weirdest unluckiest ways. Some of my favorite books happened to have some very atrocious, cheesiest covers that I wouldn't want to let people see on my bookshelves. Not matching the content at all. And then, it has already happened a couple if times, when I loved someone's books and looked them up, and then had to try really hard not to let sonething that author said/did ruin my feelings and memories of the books... Still can't really wrap my head aroud how someone who writes books I thought were so smart, positive, and promoted certain idealistic and deep ideas, concepts, and behaviors...books that made me feel 'wow, I'd probably love to know a person who writes things like this and be their friend'... could be so mean, closeminded, aggressive, descriminatory, and generally unpleasant irl. Makes me sometimes wish we still lived in 'dark' ages where peopke didn't really have Internet presence and you couldn't learn all the things about them with one snap of fingers.

I dug out my old running shoes. The ones that probably still have Oxford dust on them. I've been wanting to for a while, but beween very cold windy weather and constant bleeding, I've been putting it off. Someone made me feel really bad about myself today, so I went to try to shake it off. While my logic tells me it wasn't actually my fault that they couldn't understand what I was trying to say, when you actually have a disorder that affects your communication abilities, it is practically impossible not to blame yourself every time there's a complete failure of communication with someone. It was more of an expetimental outing. To see where I would actually might want to go running. And to learn things like a) definetely need new pants, preferably ones with a string at the waist; b) need to bring tissues, because very bad physical condition + icy wind means my nose does more running than my legs do. Overall, it felt a bit surreal, like my body has completely forgotten how running is supposed to be done. It's going to be a long road. I hope I can stick to it.

Another attempt at medication has failed, and we are back to square one. What we learned this time is apparently I will never be able to take the OC pill to regulate my hormones and deal with my pcos. My liver refuses to deal, and likely not only my liver, as I also started heaving everyday headaches and it was affecting my mental abilities. I just can never be sure if my body was reacting to pill in this way, or something else entirely. I’ve also spent some time convincing myself that feeling bitterly disappointed about how this will negatively affect my non-existent sex life is kind of very stupid. Speaking of which. Accidentally started watching 'Love Is Blind' on Netflix. All I can think about (once we take a moment and pretend it’s all real) is that they're missing one MAJOR hole. Physical appearance may not matter much, but SMELL does. We are animals. We judge A LOT about connection and attraction by smell and taste, even though for most people it's subconscious. In other news I’ve been contemplating finding a gym only just so I can go there to ride a bike while reading a book. I wonder if there are any other machines that can be used while reading a book. Whenever I have quiet time to think and not read, my minds starts to thing very bad bad no-good things, so working out and not reading a book/watching tv at the same time is really not an option.

I might be completely paranoid...but this Corona virus panic seems more and more fishy to me. It's not like there's a high mortality rate. How is it any different from any other bad flu? Or any other viruses and bacteria that can cause pneumonia, which are around us all the time? I understand telling people to take care and be more conscious of their hygiene, but all these forced quarantines, and workplace closures, and no-travel orders, and arrests... Seems like a giant orchestrated overreaction. People are treating a pneumonia virus like a deadly plague and I don't get it.

I’ve spent a lot of time this morning thinking how everything around us is soaked through with the humans’ overpowering fear of ‘not having enough’. Even when they don’t actually need it. Everyone is just so terrified of possibly not having enough of something, or missing out on something, that they completely forget and ignore the fact that ‘too much’ is no less harmful. When you have autism, you are very familiar with the concept of ‘too much’ on daily basis. Too much light, too much noise, too much heat, too much clutter... It goes on and on everywhere you look. People in offices insisting on turning on every single light in every room in the middle of the day. Train announcements that are so loud they can scramble your brain if you don’t noise-cancelling earphones constantly. But the sensory experiences is only a small part of its consequences. The food and clothing we produce and then throw out, just because we need to make sure we see more than we could possibly need on the shelves. The energy we use on unnecessary electricity and lightning no one is actually making use of. The water. The printouts you use for 15 minutes and throw out. Some days, the fact that living with/among the humanity as a whole is the most difficult part about living is a bit too glaring. #asd #aspergers #humans

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