there’s a kind of hyper buzz in my head these few weeks, a bad kind–the kind you would expect in your gut when you ate something real bad and feel all bloaty and can’t stop farting and wondering if you’re gonna throw up soon or not. But in my head. And instead of farting I panic and mess things up.  And feel like I wish I could just blow my brains out at least 3 out of 5 days on my way back home from work.