me: I need a big dog. So it will protect me and walk me.
mother: don’t get a dog so it can perform the functions of a man 
me: no, I need a dog so I won’t need to ask a man to perform functions of a dog

I’m pretty sure that there are tiny naughty elves or pixies living in my computer, who change letters in things I write from ‘send men with carts’ to ‘send men with cats’ and such, after I’ve already checked it at least 5 times.

… 
and then I just can’t get over those ‘men with cats’ that were being sent somewhere

Every woman sometimes really needs someone to take the weight off her shoulders…

Literally.

…ya know, like, a designated boob holder … upholder? …uplifter? …carrier?

Still can’t forget.

That one day about two years ago, when I, 15 minutes before the end of a long workday, came up to the manager and asked him if there “were any instructions from the CIA” with a very straight face.

Complete, with the whole “manager sitting down with a squeak and people turning heads towards us in the dead silence” scene.

It took me about 2 years working in gaming company to finally stop pronouncing SCEA (SIE) as CIA in Japanese.

a whole full classroom of aspiring flight attendants practicing their perfect smiles by saying “Whiskey” loudly over and over

am I the only one who finds this so utterly hilarious