Of course I’m not the only one who is trying to write this book. I’m trying to write it with all of me. With every me that got buried over the years and who’s memories I took so much care to burn every time. It is the only way to do right by them. Do right by me.

Another not very pleasant dream feeling – when I get stuck in-between state, and am supposed to be in this world of a fantasy book I’m reading, but I’m slowly waking up and the real world overlaps and turns it into something weird like riding a metro train to battle, besieged castle having an electronic glass backdoor, me hurrying trying to find and wear my armour and only finding my real 10-year old horse riding trousers.

The frustration is real.

I was running through crowds and fighting some people in funny hats with a sabre that didn’t feel entirely real in my hand… in my dream tonight.
And my brother (who was fighting with some sort of naginata) decided to get married in the middle of all that. And I was the only one on his side of the family (hiding my sabre behind my back), and the mother of the bride cried when she thanked me for coming.
And then the enemies came, I shouted ‘Battle formation!’ and woke up.
… and I don’t even have a brother.

saw a dream

of waking up in a room and not being able to see, because it was filled with mist
and then I looked out of the open window and saw clouds flowing right past and below it,
and I could touch the clouds.
And I grabbed one and ate it, and it tasted like shaved ice and I thought that that must have been a snow cloud.


That’s how much I miss cold and misty weather.

had the weirdest dream about different reincarnations of the same lovers (just the two of them, but the two from different ages) talking to each other (about fighting some sickness that run in the family and killed them young, over and over again) and feel like I wasn’t actually sleeping (more like tossing about for five hours), and like I saw through a dozen of their lives all at the same time…

It’s kind of difficult to focus on your ‘real life’, or the ‘awake’ life,
when you feel like you just lived a whole different one in your dream

and that’s how it’s on most of mornings

maybe that’s one of the reasons why I feel so much like a ghost all the time

I saw a weird dream… about me going to an international summer school in England, like the one I used to go, … and trying to explain to them (they usually take only 10-14yo foreign kids) what I was doing there if I’ve already graduated with first-class honours from a UK university. :expressionless:

I think it was me wanting to spend few months just ‘learning languages, going cross-country horse riding 4 days a week and going on excursions around UK the other 3.”
Talk about the stuff kids can have that you could enjoy (and need) so much more when you’re an adult…


昨日、なにも… 呼び出せるようなもの見なかったはずだし


From 2015:

I just remembered.

I saw a great movie in my dream today again, (and oh god I can’t recall it fully now, of course, I wish I could) but I remember that it was great because when I still remembered it I told myself to remember that it was great.

Well, lets start chronologically –
I was seeing the last part of it when I was already in half-surfaced state–the dream-movie was still very vivid and detailed, but I was aware of myself sleeping and I was also aware of myself laughing in my sleep (and thinking in the back of my mind whether people supposed to actually laugh in their sleep), and the more I was thinking the closer to being awake I shifted, and then my dvd player in living room made some weird noise that really sounded like person snoring and I was torn away form my movie… startled and disappointed because it really was fun.
I then reached to my laptop (I happened to leave on the other side of the bed after writing late last night), and with only half of one eye open, tried to type some notes I could remember about the dream.

I just looked at that file and let me just copy it here while preserving all the ‘punctuation’ and ‘spelling’ exactly:

@�【”Scientist, ig brain hear tbrai (has fever ) rin on the chain on the neck – Cumber
Alling yourself with stars to trunsfer yorself as a power into any information sys
Somimes sendin one person( by sweeping jesture) sent all near ones (strongmen playing guitar on wifes birthday )”】

Now I’d love to know what did I mean.