Masturbationtory writing… is not writing about masturbation, it’s the act of writing about anything at all that essentially represents an act of mental masturbation to the person doing the writing. If you actually allow yourself to realise it. Or you might not, and continue telling yourself that you’re just writing.

my brain likes to mis-read and mis-write words a lot
think food and write door
see liked and read killed

… but even I think that mixing up Astrophysics and Aphrodisiacs is a first

my defense is that they do have a lot of same letters, yes.

I especially liked the stupid ways in which people manage to die.
Like drowning in ankle-deep water or by trying to wash hands in a well.

‘Like’ is the wrong word. But you get what I mean.

Of course I’m not the only one who is trying to write this book. I’m trying to write it with all of me. With every me that got buried over the years and who’s memories I took so much care to burn every time. It is the only way to do right by them. Do right by me.

  • Your lever be lest alone (Your lover will be left alone.)
  • This is not bat too. (This is not too bad.)
  • Toy will be a fitting enemy. (You will be a fitting enemy.)

When I’m on  roll.

writing is like untangling those strings from a tightly-tangled ball, before even attempting to weave them into any sort of fabric.

Sometimes I feel like writing is building a huge puzzle from few thousand pieces without knowing the final picture.
Sometimes I feel that it is like building a living body in baby steps, assembling the bones on the first draft, then connecting the nerves, the muscles, adding some meat, some blood with every next editing, and finally skin, and colour before it is ready to become its own seperate being.
Sometimes I feel that it is like having a thousand of colourful strings and trying to weave a tapestry having no idea how to do it.

I can’t use my writing to get the bad blood out of myself.
Because I need my writing to be my good blood.

But then I suffer a lot from the need to get the bad blood out somehow and not knowing how…