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Being anxious about every tiny social interaction out of your comfort zone is just that much more painful, when there’s a person around who appears like they don’t care about anything.

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I honestly hate it so much when cosmetics for different purposes come in similar packaging… over the years it at very least led me to 1) put facewash or hand soap on my tooth brush(multiple, oh so multiple times); 2) put mouth wash into washing machine; 3) put hand cream on my face; 4) put under-eye cream on a sore on my foot for a week (they looked verysimilar)…

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a whole full classroom of aspiring flight attendants practicing their perfect smiles by saying “Whiskey” loudly over and over

am I the only one who finds this so utterly hilarious

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my brain likes to mis-read and mis-write words a lot
think food and write door
see liked and read killed

… but even I think that mixing up Astrophysics and Aphrodisiacs is a first

my defense is that they do have a lot of same letters, yes.

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world is a ridiculous place.

For instance foods that you have to pre-order months in advance.
Imagine ordering cheesecake that you will only be able to eat 1 year and 3 months later.

So much ridiculousness everywhere.
Like people in the workplace toilet who don’t wash their hands but spend 10 minutes applying eyeliner non-stop.

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There was a point in my college life (a point that lasted for 1,5 years, with breaks for going home on holidays), when I was in Oxford and, after a certain incident had left me rather butthurt disappointed in human relations, I was so comfortably left to my own devices…. that somewhere inside me I just can’t stop missing that time.
I could refuse going outside more than 2-3 short times in a week, and do so only if absolutely necessary or for things I enjoyed. Once a few weeks I would go to London, usually just to buy essential stuff in JapanShop and the big book store next to it, and visit Portobello and Electric Cinema (seriously, I’d fly to London once a few months just to visit it, if I could) and come back happy and content. Even if it was lonenly and I wished I could do it with someone who would enjoy doing it with me, I still enjoyed it very much, all the quiet walks in strange places and long rides on the OxfordTube bus. Most of the time though, I would spend most of my days at my desk from morning to evening, studying while watching recorded dramas and tv shows non-stop – which worked fantastically well with my brain for some reason. I didn’t eat much, and drunk delicious teas all day long, and lost 10kg I can’t lose now, and my bones felt so much better for it. And on some evenings I’d get some delicious dinner and watch heart-healing asian movies while drinking sweet wines. And the stories I watched every day made my soul fuller and more balanced. I could spend weeks not speaking to other human beings more then hello/thank you to a cashier in a supermarket, but I became fluent in another language in less than 6 months.

I’m coming back to these memories often now because right now I can’t even get my mind balanced enough to feel like starting to watch a movie without feeling too tired or anxious about something to concentrate… let alone actually getting through one.

(an old selfie from that time)

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Real piece of news from about 2 years ago:

A 70 year old man, who worked in a ticket office in Shinjuku gyoen–the big and very famous park and botanical garden in the middle of Tokyo, admission to which costs 200 yen (2$)–one day met some nasty foreigner, who yelled at him in english for some unknown reason. Likely, because, as most of japanese people of his age, the man didn’t understand what the foreigner was saying.
Anyhow, the experience was so traumatic, that he became afraid of foreigners and in order to avoid talking to the most scary-looking ones, begun to give out tickets for free to them out of fear. And then erasing the records of sold tickets to cover up. And then was arrested for fraud.

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I especially liked the stupid ways in which people manage to die.
Like drowning in ankle-deep water or by trying to wash hands in a well.

‘Like’ is the wrong word. But you get what I mean.

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What I like about writing books that are not based on out modern world is the things it makes you look up.
Like history of leather clothing. Or history of underwear. Or history of toilets. Or how oil lamps are made.

Fascinating history facts are fascinating.

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Some people just want to see the world burn.

And I just want to see the world get snowed in and freeze.

I’m aware that neither is healthy, you don’t need to tell me.

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Of course I’m not the only one who is trying to write this book. I’m trying to write it with all of me. With every me that got buried over the years and who’s memories I took so much care to burn every time. It is the only way to do right by them. Do right by me.